Tuesday, April 10, 2007

And now, a word from our sponser...

Who is me. I'M my own grandpa... I mean, sponser...

Two things. First, I just realized that my last post was #50!!! WOO!!! "And many more..." I feel ashamed that I didn't make any kind of fuss, but I feel equally enraged that none of you offered so much as a congratulations! You people disgust me! Why haven't you discussed me?!

...Is it 'cause you distrust me?

Ok, I've got to stop rhyming. I've been doing a lot of that lately... long story. What was my point? Ah, right, so that's point #1. #2 is the following:
So, instead of doing Italian for the past two hours like all of you are SURELY about to tell me I SHOULD'VE been, I was reading over my old posts, and I realized... my blog was a lot more entertaining back in the day, when A.) I didn't have pictures to post and ACTUAL THINGS to talk about, and B.) I hadn't technically told anyone about it. I dunno... I think my life is more interesting when I use my imaginations with it, instead of ACTUALLY talking about my day. Maybe my imagination's just broken since I came to Rome, what with there being things to do/study... I dunno. But this whole "more entertaining" thing is easily evidenced by the huge variety of commenters I had back then... keep in mind when you read the comments that most of those people I never hung out with, and some of them I didn't even know! This was back in the day when teachers read my blog! Could it be that it was more entertaining because I didn't spend entire posts complaining about my blog?!

Ohh.... crud.

Eww... I have a "blog". That's such a dorky, teen-ager thing to have. OOH! I know! If I'm right, and my blog was entertaining, but isn't anymore, I could present it as a TV show! That way, people can watch it, then talk about how "it's been going downhill since the end of sophomore year..." It's PERFECT!

Hmm... a blog TV show... ARG, FOCUS!
I STILL should be doing Italian... there's just so much of it that I don't wanna. Yup. Don't wanna. How's THAT for a mature attitude?

Ramble ramble. I continue to ramble.(and scarf down these Irish Whiskey-filled chocolates... only 1,55 Euro at Todis! Buy a package today!) ...If it WAS a TV show, could I pull off cliffhangers? Do people care enough to be pulled in...?

Man, I just can't get off this topic. Let's try again: Ok, after typing that, I just sat there and stared at the screen for five minutes. I think I should officially declare defeat before they take my blog away for good.

...Who's "they"?

Ok, it's almost 2. I gotta go do something. Good-BYE!


Anonymous PianolaGirl said...

This comment is meant merely to fill space that might otherwise be occupied by a REAL comment in hopes of raising your ratings. We don't want you taken "off the air" as it were.

4:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The ratings are in. You're going downhill, fast. Better introduce a new character, or add some unnecessary drama, or you WILL be taken off the air. For good.


2:25 PM  
Blogger Scarcely Human said...

Maybe if I kill someone off...?

Oh! I know what I'll do! It's the PERFECT PLAN!!! Obviously, my only choice is to...

*Tune in next time for our exciting conclusion!*

5:18 PM  
Blogger Oldswabbie said...

You must be either getting to the end of your tour or suffering from burn out(Symptom of consuming large quantities of alcohol). I suspect the later. At this rate you'll be returning with drool running down your cheek, staring with lifeless eyes, and requireing a walker to get from point A to B. If the ratings got any lower you'd be at the bottom of the ocean. So what have you really been doing???

6:38 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Nah ... you don't need to kill someone off just to boost ratings. That's sooo "Lost", and "Buffy", and "Firefly", and "ER", and "CSI".

Just make an on-the-air announcement that you are gay.

There you go; instant job-security. The Networks wouldn't DARE get rid of you then, because if they did, they'd have a big-fat discrimination suit staring them right in their homo-hating, bigoted, vast-right-wing conspiring faces.

So, there you go. It's an easy solution, and you WON'T have to worry about writing someone out of the script.

It's so simple ... you'll do fine!

9:11 AM  
Anonymous Pregnant relative of the main character said...

Duh, the thing to do when ratings are low is to have the main character have a baby. An out-of-wedlock baby is just what this blog needs. Hmmm, since the main character is this person "Joe" that may pose some difficulty in the "getting the main character pregnant" department...but a man giving birth would really pull the ratings up.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Ibid said...

This conversation is so disturbing. You could do a "Break" while rumors of the show's demise enflame the populous, til they storm the studio DEMANDING on the producer's life more episodes.

Of course, that could lead to bloodshed, and I'm not sure we're ready for that yet.

12:39 PM  
Blogger Scarcely Human said...

I dunno... apperently there mere DISCUSSION of this is boosting my ratings. The internet posters are on fire!!

Mike - When did Firefly kill off a character to boost ratings?

Ok, I think I've got it. I will have a baby out of wedlock who will then announce his (?) homosexuality before faking his own death, which leads into a break in the show where everyone wonders if he's really dead. THEN I'll have tantilizing commercials about "Find out the fate of Joe's illegitimit homosexual child in two months, after the Pro Baseball season is over!"

Next stop: Primetime.

3:33 PM  
Anonymous GF said...

Well, now, see, I don't know how I feel about this "Joe" character being gay and having an illegitimate baby, or having an illegitimate baby who's gay, or whatever is going on here. As a super-Christian viewer, I'm offended by this entire concept, as are my fellow super-Christian viewers. We demand this plot be changed, or that the blog be taken off the air, or we will sue.

Thank you.
The Super-Christian Group spokeswoman

8:03 AM  
Blogger Scarcely Human said...

Hey, bad publicity is still publicity! If my blog is shakin' things up a bit, that'll do nothing but INCREASE my ratings!!! Sure, I'll have to take a hit from the lawsuit, but it'll be WORTH IT, people... it'll be WORTH IT.

3:17 PM  

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