Thursday, November 29, 2007

"It's Perfectly Normal" ALL Video Report #2

I apologize to anyone that finds this a little more risque than they'd like, but just take that disgust and imagine a ten-year-old child with that book. These things need to be addressed!


Friday, November 02, 2007

Victory for the Commonwealth.

Commmonwealth Uber Alles!!!

Ok, it was just a pumpkin carving contest, and yeah, no one else carved one, BUT... a $15 gift card to Target is a $15 gift card to Target for JUSTICE!!!


All hail.


Today's going to suck. Why? Because I'm going to finally write my Shannon paper. The only up-side is that I'm going to enjoy the river tonight that much more. Yes... drinking is definitely in my future. Soon. Very soon. First sleep, then paper, then drinking. It's like sugar-coating some bad medicine.

Well, I'm really only doing this because I didn't put up my picks yet this week. As you all saw, I decimated the competition last week with my 10-3 record. And Mike, the "wishful thinking" excuse doesn't work in the newspapers, and it won't work here. You make a pick, and you take responsibility for it(the only reason I'm allowed to change a pick is if there's a change in the line-up).

Now then... let's see...


Week 9:
49ers (2-5) at Falcons (1-6)
I'm going to judge this game based on the teams' respective losses to the Saints. As the 49ers lost at home 31-10, the Falcons kept the game within a touchdown when they lost on the road, 22-16. This game should be no-contest to the Falcons, and watch for DeAngelo Hall to pick up and interception or two, if Alex Smith has the stones to throw in his direction.

Bengals (2-5) at Bills (3-4)
The Bills have won eights straight against the Bengals, and it won't stop now. Marshawn Lynch will be up and down the field before you can say "WHO-shmandzadeh?"

Broncos (3-4) at Lions (5-2)
The Lions are looking the best they have in a long while, which admittedly isn't saying much. But consider this: all of the Broncos' wins this year have been by three points or less. I was right about Elam's inability to win one for them last week, and this week it won't even be up to him. Naked or not, Kitna's gonna have one hell of a day, and give this to the Lions.

Packers (6-1) at Chiefs (4-3)
Don't think for a moment that just because they both lead their respective divisions, they are in any way equal. The Chiefs will relinquish their lead in the AFC West when they fall to the Packers this week.

Chargers (4-3) at Vikings (2-5)
The Vikings have a killer run defense.
The Chargers have LT.
The Vikings have a terrible pass defense(allowing almost 300 yards per game).
The Chargers have Philip Rivers.

If you have Philip Rivers on Fantasy Football, play him. 'Nuff said.

Jaguars (5-2) at Saints (3-4)
Poor Jacksonville. To be 5-2, and in only 3rd place in your division. Jags are a thing of the past... I keep picking them to lose, and this week you can bet on it. Saints are on the up, and will take their 3rd straight win.

Redskins (4-3) at Jets (1-7)
The Jets' Leon Washington is going to have a field day. Because he's going to have his hands on the ball a lot this week. Because he's a kick returner.
What I'm sayin' is, give it to the Redskins. I'm too tired to go into detail as to why.

Panthers (4-3) at Titans (5-2)
Underdog Panthers. Woo. They win. Moving on.

Cardinals (3-4) at Buccaneers (4-4)
Both teams have near-misses last week... The Bucs was closer, but I have to give this one to Arizona. Kurt Warner's passer rating is third in the NFC, so take it from me: Victory is in the Cards.

Seahawks (4-3) at Browns (4-3)
Is the Seahawks can show the same kind of offense this week as they did last game(they are coming off a bye), this won't even be a competition. Meanwhile, the Browns nearly lost last week. To the Rams. THE RAMS!! I mean... eww. Anyway, the Browns remind me of the early 90's Chargers. All offense, all passing. It won't give them a win this week, as the much-better balanced Seahawks take it on the road.

Patriots (8-0) at Colts (7-0)
Colts. Next question.

Texans (3-5) at Raiders (2-5)
The Texans are the only team Oakland has never beaten. Ha, ha ha ha. Stupid Raiders. My answers are becoming less eloquent by the second, so just take my word for it: Raiders.

Cowboys (6-1) at Eagles (3-4)
Every dog has his day, and all that. Eagles at home.

Ravens (4-3) at Steelers (5-2)
The Steelers better win. Otherwise, I will lose all respect for them, and punch them. No contest: Steel Curtain all the way.

Ok, I'm goin' back to bed.