Obama.

Heh, just kidding. I'm not going to go on a long, political rant... I just don't care enough.

Instead, enjoy these pictures! I was looking through my notebook the other day, and came across some... well... see for yourself.







Bonus points if you can guess which class these were made in.

That's all for now - gotta eat some dinner, call my lady, and prepare for karaoke.
Ciao,
-Hich

The truth about women.

http://5secondfilms.com/watch/the_man_who_knows_everything_there_is_to_know_about_women
Damn HTML... Just click the link and watch it, OK?!


Seriously, though, www.5secondfilms.com is one of the more hilarious websites you can visit past 2 AM or while drinking. I highly recommend it.

So what's new?

It really no secret anymore to any of you that I intend to move to Wisconsin ASAP. As soon as I have enough money(and hopefully, a job lined up), I'm outta here. And I know what you're thinking: "That's a pretty big 'as soon as'." Well, who gave you the right to comment on my life?

No, seriously though, it DOES sound like it, but I've always been a firm believer in the concept of "It's there for the taking." People who can't get a job just aren't looking hard enough sometimes. Why has it taken me so long, then, to get a life? Part of it was really trying to give National Turn Services a real chance. Ok, that was a BIG part of it. But it just hasn't worked out, and that knocks out a good 4 months or so of money-making. So, I returned to delivering pizzas. I feel the same about it now as I did way back when: it's quick cash, so suck it up.

I'm sucking it up.

And so, I'm back in the plus column. It's a little slower going than I'd like, but it's happened, and that's what's important. Tomorrow, I re-open my savings account(a personal victory). So I slowly save money until I have enough to move on to bigger things...

What bigger things you ask?

Whatever the web has to offer. There's actually some really, REALLY good entry-level jobs in the Milwaukee area. One I've got my eye on is Internal Revenues Agent. You seeing that?! I'd be an AUDITOR!!! I would be the scum-of-the-universe tax collector! I'd be the guy from Stranger Than Fiction!!!
Hilarious, right?

BUT, it's a government job(which are NEVER full), they train you right there, and the money is bangin'. So what if I'd sell my soul? It's only metaphorically.
Anyway, if that doesn't work out, there's a million others. Alls I gotta do is(finally) type up a resume and(finally) get a credit card, both of which I can knock out in an afternoon. Oh, speaking of jobs...

Papa Johns says I gotta work the Super Bowl. What does this mean? It means no party... no drinking... No mini pigs in a blanket, or A-Jay's famous taco dip, or football-shaped bread, or meatballs, or chips, or dip. Basically, my reason for existing in February. This only happened once a year, and I can't be a part of it. Don't they KNOW that Party at the Hichborns' is a TRADITION?! HOW CAN I BREAK THIS TRADITION?!?!
Y'know, it's funny... I presented this problem to three people. The one girl I presented it to said "Well, it's only one year, and at least you'll make good money." The two guys I presented it to said "Well, good luck finding a new job."

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Your stereotypes.

So where do I fall? As much as it pains me, as much as my brother will never let me live it down(I missed the LAST time the Steelers were in the Super Bowl, too)... I gotta keep my job. I'm finally making money, how am I supposed to throw it away? Just ride out the F'ing storm and be DONE with it. I just gotta grit my teeth.

...I'll start any moment now.

Sure, I'd love to have my cake and eat it too. I could just take my other manager's advice and tell PJ's I'll be out of town... But I couldn't.
AUGH, this SUCKS!!!!!!!!

*sigh* Now I'm all worked up. I gotta watch some Whose Line Is It Anyway to calm myself down, then catch some shuteye... See y'all later.

Ciao,
-Hich

P.S. I updated the zombie story a little, but I'll add more soon. I didn't get as far as I wanted.
P.P.S. Everyone remember to pray that FOCA (Freedom Of Choice Act) doesn't pass into law.

Remembering 2008

I remember...

Starting the New Year, facing my final semester at Christendom. I remember panicking somewhat at the thought of having to finally write a thesis, something I had been dreading since I was roughly 11 years old, but moreso thinking about what I would do after I had to part ways with the first group of friends I had ever had.
I remember the New York Giants beating the New England Patriots in one of the biggest upsets in Super Bowl History. I was at my house with Ben, Joey, Tony, Trish, Bex... Possibly others. I remember being perched on the back of the sofa during the Giants' final drive, hoping and praying that they could prevent those cocky a-holes from having a perfect season. I remember Eli's escape, Tyree's head catch, and Plaxico's came-clinching TD. I remember loudly singing "We are the Champions" in the car on the way back to Christendom.

I remember collecting my $20, and systematically ragging on any Patriots fan I encountered for the rest of the year.

I remember Lent, in which I gave up TV shows and movies, and was then forced to entertain myself at the Commonwealth by playing with my camera. I remember making countless videos of all of us doing absolutely nothing. I remember trying to catch the supernatural on film with Rand.

I remember making the trailer for the Commonwealth movie(which I sadly remember NOT making). I remember us putting the trailer in Coffee House.
I remember reading and reading, doing research for my thesis, but not actually writing it until Spring break. 50 pages in 7 days. Gotta love it. I remember getting extremely drunk with Daniel and Mark on that Wednesday off of vodka while we watched Rob and Big, all the while D and Mark convincing me it was for "inspiration".
I remember getting inducted into the debate society.
I remember Joe Hichborn Appreciation Day. I remember making a speech at the podium during announcements, and Dr. Keats giving me a hug.
I remember East-West week. I remember being the representative for East at the big race during lunch, and I remember Dean winning by a long shot.
I remember turning my thesis in, and calling Andrea. I remember talking about graduation.

I remember Leah flying in for graduation. I remember the pride she showed, and that I felt. I remember standing with Andrea the whole time we wore those ridiculous graduation gowns. I remember walking across the stage, collecting my diploma, shaking Dr. O'Donnell's hand. I remember turning around, diploma in hand, and waving it to Mike and Daniel up in the window.
I remember cleaning out the Commonwealth. I remember driving away.

I remember Ben living with us for the summer. I remember getting him hooked on City of Heroes, and hanging out with him after work, discussing the latest pro-life movement tactics. I remember balancing chilling with him and talking to Leah(neither side won or lost, so please try not to feel guilty about this).
I remember starting work with National Turn Services. I remember learning how to do maintenance on a house. I remember losing that DAMN key, and the following 24 hours that seemed to pass so-damn-slowly. I remember the relief at finding it.

I remember buying a car. I remember signing for it, registering it, getting plates, paying for it. I remember throwing together a video in celebration of it.

I remember flying to Wisconsin, to then roadtripping to the St. Louis area(y'know, the FIRST time). I remember shouting "THIS... IS... SPARTA!!!". I remember being shocked when Leah didn't get the reference, and forcing her to watch 300. I remember the pool being closed, and I remember the wedding.

I remember Andrea and Daniel buying a new house. I remember finding out that Kaylee was going to have a little sibling.

I remember the NFL kickoff party at Phil's.

I remember NFL, week 3, Dolphins at Patriots. I remember Leah was in the dining room with Kaylee and Andrea, and Mom was in the kitchen, as was I, because I was listening to the game on Sirius radio. I remember hearing them describe the very first Miami Dolphins Wildcat formation. I remember excitedly telling Dad that the Dolphins were running the single wing.
I remember the Dolphins beating the Patriots that day.

I remember starting my lightbulbs job, and my moment of realization that I had become the butt of my own "How many Christendom students does it take to change a lightbulb?" joke. I remember Daniel having to fire "other" Joe.

I remember the passing of a great woman. I miss you, Joyce, and I pray for you every day.

I remember my car starting to fall apart(and the progression of that for the rest of the year).
I remember watching the Dolphins win game after game. I remember daring to dream that this season could hold something great. I remember flying to Wisconsin so that we could once again roadtrip to St. Louis, this time go see the Dolphins-Rams game. I remember giving Leah her DS. I remember touring St. Louis, going up in the Arch, seeing Dolphins fans outside the church. I remember being scared that Joey Porter was going to beat the everlovin' out of me(but I can't remember why I was afraid of that). I remember "tailgating" in the car in a parking garage. I remember Leah's disappointment, but I also remember laughing about it.

I remember the game. I remember kissing Leah after the Dolphin's last interception. I remember hitting a bar after the game in celebration.

I remember Thanksgiving with the Marsh's. I remember NOT eating turkey, and it filled me with glee. I remember having the flu the week before Thanksgiving. I remember reassuring Leah that I'd be healthy by thanksgiving.

I remember the hiatus of the lightbulb job. I remember swallowing my pride and returning to work at Papa John's.

I remember being desperately poor. I remember having to suffer through a Christmas in which I didn't buy anything for anyone(not as wonderful as it sounds).

I remember the Miami Dolphins last game of the regular season: the dramatic return to the Meadowlands. I remember the touchdowns, the interceptions. I remember the victory. I remember being crowned AFC East Champions.


That's what I've taken out of this year. There are countless other experiences that will no doubt stick with me for years to come, but when I think of 2008, those are the things that will come to my mind. It wasn't the best year of my life, but it was definitely one which saw some of the most important changes in my life to this point. For that reason, it will always be important to me. I've no doubt that 2009 will be every bit as influential, if not moreso.

And so, here's to 2008. For better or worse, here we are.

Bring it, '09.

---Hich

A Hypothetical Question

So, let's say, HYPOTHETICALLY, that there's someone very close to me whom I've known for a very long time. And this person is a very good person, but is consistently uncharitable, particularly to another person, and has been for as long as I've known them. NOW, let's say that I've always held my tongue, refrained from sticking my nose in it. After all, they knew eachother before I knew them. Recently, however, I've started speaking up, firing retorts at this uncharitable person. Every time they are uncharitable, I snap at them.

Am I doing the right thing?

Was I strong before, in being able to control my temper, or am I strong now, being able to find the words and call out this person for being uncharitable? What's the correct course? Or perhaps are BOTH my courses of action wrong, and I should take a more moderate approach to tell this person they're being uncharitable? After all, I really do feel like I'm just losing my temper with this person... On the other hand, is it not justifiable anger? Anyway, just my thoughts of late...

Elsewhere in Joe-land...

My car is falling apart!
Well, kinda. My frame is rusted through right where the rear axle is braced... I'd say about half it's width is missing. I've been told by two mechanics not to drive it anymore, but then I started delivering pizzas.
Take THAT, the man!
So, I live in constant fear. Meanwhile, I need to find the time to take it to a body shop and see if they can do ANYthing to save my baby. If not, then I have to consider getting a lawyer, because evidence indicates the car was like that when it was sold to me... And that's grounds for calling the car a "lemon".

When life give you a lemon, sue it's pants off.

If my potential lawsuit falls through, I have one last thought... The maintenance guy at Ft. Belvoir always wanted to buy my car. Maybe he'd still want to with it's obvious deficiencies? I figure it's worth a shot... He REALLY seemed to want it. Ya never know. Or, maybe I'll just drive my car until it becomes a news story by backing up traffic on I-95.

Hmm... Oh, yeah...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

So long, 2008, and don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out. Say hello to '09! I was thinking the other day... The "2000's" decade is almost over... what're we going to call it? I mean, I've lived in the 80's, the 90's, and... what? I posed this question to Daniel, my brother-in-law, and he says we should call it the "not-ies"(pronounced "naughties"), which I think is a FANTASTIC idea. Who do we talk to about this sort of thing, anyway? What have previous centuries done?

Hmm... interesting comparison.
In 1990, we had "Hellooooo?! It's the 90's?!".
In 1890, they probably had "Fellow greeeeeetings?! It's the 90's, Lord Stingdingworth!"

So, anyone out there have resolutions? I do!

JOSEPH HICHBORN'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS 2009:

1. Move.

Yup, that's it. I mean, there are a few that are necessarily second to that, "moving" having certain implications, like getting a real job, and starting a family, and stuff like that, but listing all that isn't comedic gold, so...
And besides, moving is quickly moving up the priority list. With apologies to my immediate family, I GOTTA get outta here, and for MANY different reasons which are too lengthy to list on a blog in which I do nothing but ramble. So yes, I fully intend on keeping that resolution, and soon.

And finally...

You KNEW it was coming...

THE DOLPHINS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!!
That's right, ladies and germs, that silly team I wrote a poem about not one post ago has moved up from the ranks of "Aww, isn't that cute, they WON a few games! Good for them..." into the category of "Holy SH**, they're in the playoffs!"
Oh, and not just in the playoffs... They're the AFC East CHAMPIONS!!! We're talkin' the BEST out of the Bills, we started the season 5-1 and looked sure to win the division 'till the Dolphins beat them, the Jets, who were being called Super Bowl contenders after week 12 when they were 8-3 and had just handed the Titans their first loss, and, of course, the Patriots.

Ahh, the Patriots. What can be said about a team that went undefeated in the regular season just one year ago, felt the super bowl ripped from their grasp, and came into this season as the Big Shots, only to miss the playoffs entirely? Well, I'm not sure ANYthing can be said... It must be expressed through song.

...I've paid my dues,
Time after time.
I've done my sentence,
But committed no crime.
And bad mistakes...
I've made a few...
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face,
But I've come through!

We are the champions, my friends!
And we'll keep on fighting 'till the end!
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for LOSERS
'Cause WE are the CHAMPIONS... of the world!

I've taken my bows,
And my curtain calls.
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it
I thank you all.

But it's been no bed of roses!
No pleasure cruise!
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race,
And I ain't gonna lose!!

We are the champions, my friends!
And we'll keep on fighting 'till the end!
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for LOSERS
'Cause WE are the CHAMPIONS... of the world!

We are the champions, my friends!
And we'll keep on fighting 'till the end!
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for LOSERS
'Cause WE are the CHAMPIONS...!

Sorry, Pats. We don't have time for you losers, 'cause WE are the champions, and we've got ourselves some bigger fish to fry.

Peace out.
--Hich